


The Dagger

by orphan_account



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: ?!, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Past Character Death, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, i think so, very light though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 10:40:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10740027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The sequel of Yuri's death, following Otabek and his attempts to forget the boy he cared for the most.





	The Dagger

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel but I did try to include most of the things however it only follows Otabek, so it might be that hard to understand?

_The bleeding of my pen won't subside, endless aims at making it all better become scattered all over the universe and the memories of our youth. The stars become the words that never reach the paper in front of me and your memory stays intact in my mind._

 

* * *

 

 

Otabek supposed it shouldn't have all ended the way it did, by ending he means Yuri. Yuri's life. By that he also only means Yuri's life because Otabek was still much alive and present in the world. He was alive and well, to an extend. Yuri's death wasn't predictable, at least not to him. Only because he remembered those words clearly.

_“I'll see you later, Otabek Altin!”_

Yuri Plisetsky’s death was not a mystery, they ruled it as a suicide because it honestly, was. So, Otabek was not going to sit in the four walls that taunted him and overthink it. Yuri Plisetsky had a reason and for that Otabek couldn't forget it. He wondered how and why someone as beautiful and unforgettable could do _that?_ Then again, if Otabek was questioning a dead boy’s motive, he didn't know that boy too well.

“Are you just going to sit here and think of him like that's going to bring him back?” It was JJ's annoying voice that brought Otabek back from his trance-like thoughts.

It had been exactly four days since Yuri’s death, everyone in Kingston Academy was on edge. Students that Otabek never crossed in his life were giving their condolences, and why him? He was simply just his roommate, just like JJ and Leo. He had convinced himself that he was just that, his roommate.

“Nothing can bring him back,” Otabek said, more to himself than to JJ, who adjusted his uniform by the mirror.

JJ laughed awkwardly, like he was distracting himself from breaking down, yet another time. “That's true. Get ready, the _meeting_ is today.” Otabek nodded weakly and got up from his bed, heading to his closet, the one he shared with Yuri and grabbed his uniform.

He stood in place for a few seconds, until JJ walked out of the room and it was just him and the emptiness that surrounded him. Yuri's stuff had been intact for the first two days, like if he was going to come back anytime soon, like he was getting drunk, out and about with god knows who. His stuff started disappearing the day after, it was then when realization hit and Yuri was certainly not going to come back. It was only three out of four. One of who they were never going to see again.

 

Principal Feltsman had insisted on holding a remembrance for Yuri, no, Viktor Nikiforov, the student supervisor had convinced him. Apparently, death bothered principal Feltsman a whole bunch, something that was only so natural and inevitable. No one believed his reasoning, truly, how does _suicide_ sound when someone googles Kingston Academy? Obviously not so reputable for the prestigious boarding school.

It wasn't even a remembrance to begin with, the whole academy was just going to gather in the auditorium and light a candle, followed by a moment of silence. Then, they were suppose to have a meeting for the year 12 students, something Otabek couldn't escape.

Students quietly sat down in the auditorium, year twelves were up front because apparently they were affected the most. Bullshit. No one knew Yuri, not like Otabek or even that asshole JJ. Otabek wasn't going to lie, it was pathetic and a waste of time. Why couldn't they do something more, why didn't _he_ do something?

Viktor Nikiforov stood in front of the microphone, the bags under his eyes more evident than the previous days. He tapped the microphone once, grabbing the students attention and waiting for the chatter to die down. “We're gathered here today to remember Yuri Plisetsky,” Viktor started, Otabek lost train of thought after than, only feeling the warmth in his hand being held by his good friend Mila.

They shared a peaceful silence and a quick look, like Mila was trying to reassure him, Otabek didn't need it or want it. Regardless, he squeezed her hand and smiled softly. “Thank you.” He mouthed, getting a nod from the redhead.

It took Otabek a while to notice the picture placed in the corner of the stage, white lilies surrounded the portrait of the blonde who was no longer with them. He was barely smiling, it was most likely the photographer had mentioned it and because Yuri always wanted to please people, he smiled. It wasn't forceful, more like he was lacking any genuine happiness behind it. Yuri wasn't happy and Otabek watched as it happened, but if happiness was all he needed, Otabek couldn't help him one bit.

The white lilies mocked Otabek, no, they mocked Otabek's bitter words written on the missing page of his journal. Yuri Plisetsky was more like a rose, ready to explode and come to life in the spring. Yuri was a red rose blooming from poisonous soil. Why weren't there roses, if Yuri died trying to reach to them?

Viktor had continued talking, more like babbling about Yuri and how great and wonderful he was. Otabek didn't say how awful Viktor really was, only because he wanted the older man to get his closure. Out of anyone, he was the one who had many sleepless nights to come.

Leo sat next to Otabek, his eyes filled with unfallen tears and Guang Hong glued to his side. Leo always voiced his distaste for Yuri, the only reason they got ‘along’ was mainly because Viktor had begged Leo to give him a chance. Out of the three, he expected Leo to be the last one to be devastated by Yuri's death. Once again, it had proven that Otabek had no idea who his roommates really were, he never saw the soft spot in Leo just like he did not ever see the sadness that hovered over Yuri.

But it wasn't his fault, even if the last words he said to Yuri were hurtful and bitter. Even if Yuri was not surprised by how harsh Otabek was to him, it haunted him in his dreams.

The moment of silence arrived and everyone lit a candle to Yuri’s lost.

The air became unbearable and toxic, Otabek couldn't do it, he couldn't go on and pretend like this is all Yuri deserved. He needed his closure too but it wasn't this, Yuri deserved more. So much more.

A candle was not going to do anything, Otabek needed to see him, see his body resting, _resting_ , from the hectic mess of his life. But his body had been taken to Russia to have a proper burial from his parents, and the chances to ever see him again scattered into thin air like the smoke coming from the candle in front of him.

Everything turned blank after that, Otabek’s mind was somewhere else, somewhere where the pain did not reach him.

The meeting for year 12 students ended on the note that graduation was just around the corner, to stay focus and to stay on the right path. As everyone made their way back to class, Otabek couldn't ignore JJ with his girlfriend, whispering outside the double doors of the auditorium.

“He’s a hypocrite, he could have done something while Yuri was alive.” JJ leaned against the wall, his eyes clearly red and teary. Isabella nodded and placed a soft hand to his shoulder. “He knew what Yuri felt for him and yet he just let it happen.”

Otabek approached him slowly, he was talking about Viktor, the one Yuri had been chasing for the three years he was in the academy. Hypocrite? Everyone in that damn place was a hypocrite, even Otabek, he admitted. For a second, he lost all the temper he had been holding in, all the rage towards JJ.

“And you're so innocent yourself,” Otabek intervened confronting the man in front of him. “How about when you used him?” JJ stared at him until Isabella tapped his arm. “Little things like that affected him, and you did it anyways.”

JJ smiled weakly and took a step forward, stepping into the comfort of Otabek's space. “I wouldn't talk about hurting him,” he cleared his throat, his voice getting louder. “What did you say that night? That you didn't love him or cared for him, that was it, right?”

Otabek swallowed and felt the tension rising in his shoulders, riding all the way down his back. It was exactly what he said, but he didn't meant it, he was trying to protect Yuri’s heart from breaking. He had failed miserably at that. “I didn't mean it.” Otabek murmured, not daring to look into JJ’s piercing eyes.

“What was that?” JJ stepped closer, intimidating the shorter man in front of him. “And yet he's still gone. Thanks to you and Viktor.”

A thousand bricks fell on top of Otabek, suffocating and ending his fight slowly. There was no point in arguing with JJ, someone as self centered as him would never understand. Hell, he didn't understand. He was no better than him.

“JJ, we should get going.” Isabella cut in the tension, grabbing JJ’s hand and dragging him to class. Otabek watched as the pair walked away, ignoring every nerve in his body telling him to step up, say something, say something while he can. But his body wouldn't move and his soul was as devastated as the first day.

-

Graduation came and finally, he was free. Otabek had plans of going to university but it all went down the drain the moment Yuri left his life. It's not like he was hurt. He was numb and unmotivated and everything he cared about was boring and uninteresting. His journal had been sitting inside of his nightstand drawer for three months straight. The roses had dried up and crumbled into forgetfulness.

His parents told him to get it together, he had the summer. In the meantime he was to do a paid internship at one of the hotels they owned in Portland. He agreed with no complains, maybe it was exactly what he needed.

Otabek was packing when Leo told him Viktor was looking for him. He sighed and hoped this last meeting with him would go smoothly. They hadn't talked the last few months, other than Viktor telling Otabek (and JJ) that if they needed to talk to anyone he could recommend someone. Talking was not what he needed.

He knocked on Viktor's office and welcomed himself when he heard Viktor say ‘come in’. It was quiet for a moment, Viktor looked out the window, one of the things Yuri did, he remembered. “It's over.” The older man said, finally turning around and looking at Otabek.

Viktor's appearance did not improve, the bags under his eyes became more prominent and the smell of alcohol was like looking back and reminiscing on the past.

“Why did you want to see me?” Otabek questioned, avoiding any unnecessary talk between each other.

“It wasn't suicide.” Viktor said, sipping from the thermo cup he disguised as coffee.

“What?” Otabek swallowed thickly and sat down in one of the chairs in front of Viktor's desk. It wasn't a nightmare because he kept living it, it was reality.

“At least that's what the truck driver said,”

Fuck. Not this, not when Otabek's about to walk out of this hell and forget it was ever a part of his life. _Why now?_ “It was, _he_ walked into traffic knowing well what was going to happen.” Otabek argued back, there was no way he was going to open a wound that slowly healed.

“The man said Yuri tripped,” Viktor held back a choked sob, hiding his face behind his hands. “He said he couldn't stop the truck fast enough but he's certain Yuri didn't mean to.”

_But he did, and now he's gone._

“Viktor, there's nothing we can do to change what happened, blame yourself all you want but it won't change the fact that you hurt him, we all did.” Otabek stood up rapidly, he needed to get out, “think what you want and believe whatever you want but Yuri is dead and _nothing_ is going to change that.” Otabek had enough of if, enough pain and all he wanted was to be free from this place.

“You're right.” Viktor got himself together, or so it appeared like he did. “I'm sorry I couldn't love him the way he needed.” — “I just- I needed to tell someone. You may go now.” Otabek nodded, sighing and taking in Viktor's presence one last time. He smiled weakly and before he was able to leave his office, Viktor whispered, “Good luck.”

-

Otabek didn't meet the raven haired man until halfway through summer and his internship. To the hotels distaste, Otabek wasn't doing a good job at moving fast enough, the only thing they asked of him. The manager had constant complains about his job assisting with data entry and various things, that is why the hotel got another intern to compensate what Otabek lacked.

Seung-gil Lee was a sophomore college student trying to get his internship hours for his economics major. That was all Otabek wanted to associate him with, nothing more than acquaintances. Somehow, the Korean man had invaded his life in more ways than he wanted to.

“I didn't know you write,” Seung-gil commented over lunch one day, the day hadn't been so hectic so it was nice and peaceful for once.

Otabek didn't write, he hadn't picked up a pen ever since the academy, but he did start carrying his journal around recently. In hopes that something would spark inspiration in him and let him set loose.

“I don't.” Otabek replied back, it was personal and he had no intention of letting Seung know about his past hobbies.

“You don't trust me?” Seung asked, pretending to be hurt. “It's okay, I sketch sometimes.” But it was like he said, ‘I don't judge you, everyone has their way of expressing themselves.’ Otabek smiled softly and nodded.

“I have no motivation to do it, so I don't.” Otabek repeated, this time inducing a soft kick to his shin below the table.

-

Everything happened quickly after that, the closeness between Seung and Otabek, the late night conversations, the caresses between each other. But it didn't matter how close Otabek allowed Seung-gil to get, the wound in his heart only became more hollow and invincible.

“You don't talk much about your high school years,” Seung commented during a late night smoke session, the best weed, he had called it. They sat in the hotel balcony, staring at the life of the city before them. “Did something happen?” He asked casually, passing the blunt to Otabek.

“Boarding school,” Otabek said, inhaling the cannabis and relaxing his body as he exhaled out. “It was hell, I don't like talking about it.”

Seung laughed softly, so soft, something tingled inside Otabek’s body. “Why? Did someone break your heart?”

 _Not exactly._ “No, more like, I broke someone's.”

“Oh,” Seung reclined back on the chair, his hands clasped behind his head, “what happened?”

“I was an asshole to him when all he did was help me.” Otabek confessed, taking another hit from the blunt. Yuri helped him in ways he won't forget, how to be himself without feeling ashamed because even when his parents pushed him away he had someone to count on.

“Is he the rose in your journal?” Seung asked before turning scarlet around his cheeks, Otabek stared with wide eyes and confusion running through him. Did he read his journal? “Oh shit, I didn't mean to, okay? It was opened when I glanced at it but that's it,”

“It's fine,” Otabek interrupted Seung’s apology. He passed the blunt back to Seung and relaxed, trying to avoid the memory of Yuri to consume him entirely. “He was.”

“Do you miss him?”

Otabek sighed and laughed sadly, “always, I always do.”

Seung didn't look at him, Otabek guessed it was because he wasn't trying to intrude into his feelings, especially because he was high and vulnerable. He didn't mind it, his own eyes averted to the ground and stayed there.

_“But you can't help but imagine how lonely and painful his last moments were.”_

Otabek quickly looked up to Seung, who still wouldn't face him, panic started washing over him. He couldn't possibly know, he can't know. “What?” He asked, praying that he heard wrong or it was just a simple misunderstanding.

“Let's go to sleep, I don't think the weed did you any good.”

Right. He had smoked before this time but it wasn't as much as this, something was definitely wrong and it had to be the weed. “Let's do that,” Otabek's mind started spinning, anxiety building up in his core. “Can you- can you stay tonight?” He asked, he didn't want to be alone, especially because of how he felt. Panicked and anxious for no reason, or the reason was just hidden deep in his subconscious.

“Of course,” Seung replied back and smiled, offering Otabek a hand. The latter took it gratefully, following behind Seung back into the hotel room.

Seung playfully pushed Otabek to the bed, sinking into the warmth in between the younger man’s legs. “Need help catching sleep?” Seung teased and Otabek shyly smiled.

Long fingers made their way to Otabek's pants, undoing them and pushing them down in a swift move. Seung-gil knew exactly how to push Otabek, push him so close and then bring him back. That's what Otabek liked about the older man.

Warmness started coiling in the pit of Otabek's stomach, feeling as it made it to the thickness of his dick. He smiled in pleasure, sinking into the touch of Seung. The older man's hand started moving up and down his length, feeling and watching like a hawk as it thicken in his own hands.

Otabek closed his eyes and felt the tension and anxiousness slowly fading away, just by one touch. Seung continued his movements, sliding in the lower half of Otabek's body. He was able to place his hands in the mess of Seung’s hair, feeling how his mouth reached him and his head started moving. Otabek tangled his hands deeper, it was different, Seung's hair was thicker and shorter. Compared to Yuri’s, it felt nothing like he remembered and it made him nostalgic. He imagined Yuri’s long hair tangled around his fingers, the smoothness of it. Soft like expensive silk.

Seung’s pace increased when Otabek unintentionally tugged at his hair, but he didn't say a word and let it happen, even if it wasn't him who Otabek was getting off to.

Suddenly, the warmth was gone from his dick and all he felt was the tiny licks around his shaft.

_“Thinking of a dead boy while you get off?”_

Otabek opened his eyes as soon as he heard those words, he looked down at Seung who was still focused on sucking him off. Was he going crazy?

“What did you say?” Otabek asked carefully, grabbing Seung's attention. He certainly had to be imagining and it was just the weed in his system messing him up.

“I like when you play with my hair,” Seung smiled, licking his lips and continuing to please Otabek with his mouth.

It didn't take long for Otabek to come, spilling his pleasure on his stomach. Seung had been jacking off while he sucked Otabek, he came not long after him. They took turns showering and once fully clean, they returned to the warmness of the bed and of each other.

The high of the weed was gone by then, or more controlled since Otabek didn't feel as anxious as he did before. Seung cuddled behind Otabek, his chest to the younger man's back. “Feel better now?” He whispered in Otabek's ear.

“Yeah,” Otabek whispered back, falling into Seung's embrace. “I don't know what happened, I think it was the weed.”

“I think so too, they told me it was the best quality but it probably was mixed.” Seung placed a soft kiss to Otabek's cheek, his lips traveling down his neck. “I'm sorry about that, but thankfully it didn't get worst.”

Otabek nodded even when it _did_ get worst. Feelings he avoided for so long resurfaced, all thanks to that. The longing he felt for Yuri, how much he missed him and wanted him back by his side. Feelings that made him feel worthless, feelings that were not welcomed.

“Yuri died about six months ago, and I didn't do anything about it.” Otabek wasn't sure why he was opening up now, but the words were on the tip of his tongue and he couldn't suppress them anymore. Seung cleared his throat, and the first thing he did was pull Otabek closer to him.

“The rose?” Seung whispered.

Otabek hummed, feeling a big part of his mind clear up, “I miss him so much it paranoids me,” Otabek closed his eyes, seeing only the darkness inside him. “But I can't deny him anymore, he lives in everything I see.” In that moment, his eyes opened and he stared into the darkness of the balcony. He imagined a silhouette reclined against the railing, blonde hair dancing in the warm summer air and a burning cigarette between his fingers. A clear yet blurred representation of Yuri.

Seung kissed his cheek once again, when words lacked they had actions to portray what they felt. And so, Otabek continued because keeping it all bottled up was going to drive him insane.

“No one mentioned this but I think if he had been hit by a smaller vehicle he could have survived,” Otabek vividly remembered the report of the paramedics, because he had wore his brave mask and read through it. The impact of the truck against Yuri's body was so massive he didn't even make it to the hospital. “It hurts to know that even then his last moments were so painful,” Otabek felt the tears before they slowly slid down his face. “And maybe all he was looking for was relieve.”

“I'm sorry, Otabek.” Seung whispered, burying his face in the crook of the younger man.

“I can't stop thinking about it, what if I had done something? What if I didn't lie and tell him I didn't care about him?” It was hard not to care for Yuri Plisetsky, he was fragile like porcelain and wore his heart on his sleeve. “I can't say I loved him, I couldn't love him because I couldn't even love myself.” Then again, Otabek was just as fragile. “What if I was honest, would he would still be here?”

“You can't fix people with love.”

Otabek couldn't argue to that, if love was enough, Yuri's parents wouldn't have sent him to a boarding school miles away from home. Otabek's parents wouldn't have sent him away either, but love wasn't enough to keep a family together, nevermind help someone who can't be helped. People are selfish and sometimes think that by doing the _right thing_ , they're helping when in reality it's the opposite.

“But I cared, I cared so much yet I was a fucking coward to admit it.” Otabek was getting tired, he needed to rest his mind and heart, even as much as he fought it Yuri was still gone.

“Sleep it off, you will feel better tomorrow.” Seung kissed his lips this time, hugging him tightly. He didn't let go throughout the night, the night that Otabek was able to feel somewhat at peace.

-

Summer ended and Otabek finally felt brave enough to continue his life, he was to start college in the fall, soon enough. In the meantime, he ate dinner with his visiting parents and convinced himself it was time for them to know. To know the real him.

They ate dinner in the presidential suite of the hotel, over a glass of very expensive wine. “I need to say something,” he said, taking a drink of the wine in front of him. His parents looked at him immediately, showing their undivided attention. “I know the main reason you sent me away from Kazakhstan was because of who I am,”

“Of who you were, darling.” His mother interrupted and Otabek's blood boiled. “You were able to meet that girl, Mila, right? She's the one that helped you realize.” She shared a look with Otabek's father, like they were plotting against Otabek. It used to work but Otabek knew better and he wasn't going to allow it.

“No,” Otabek shouted, unintentionally because they were wrong and didn't want to see the truth. His mother startled, staring at him like he was the devil. “It's who I am, if you can't accept that, I'm sorry but I'm not changing myself to please you.”

_Not anymore._

“You don't mean it,” his father replied back, sharing a worried look with his wife. “You can't do that to us, son.” It was like he was begging and it somehow made Otabek happy, they needed to see it and accept it.

Otabek sighed lowly, backing away from the empty plate in front of him. “Lying hurts people, I'm done doing that. I'm not going to lie to you and say I enjoy the company of women.”

“Son,” his father tried again but Otabek wasn't going to allow it.

“I'm gay, okay? Accept me as I am or not, but I can't lie anymore.” Otabek's eyes reached the plate and stood there, his shoulders tensed but he felt so much calmer, at peace. “I know love isn't enough sometimes, because if it was you could've accepted me since the beginning… since you saw me with that boy back when I was 15.” His parents didn't say a word, allowing him to continue. They looked at each other for a second. “That's it, you can walk away from my life or stay, it's all up to you.”

This was for Yuri, Otabek would be lying if he said he did it for himself. It was for Yuri and his stupid white smile, his long blonde hair and the love he had for him. It was all for Yuri Plisetsky, but it wasn't enough. It never was going to be.

His parents nodded quietly and even when there was no words, Otabek felt the change in them, the acceptance or even the attempts. For starters, it was all he needed.

-

Seung Gil had plans of taking Otabek to a back to college party but before the fun started, the older man wanted to give Otabek a tour of his apartment. Most of their time shared was in the hotel and now that they were done with that, it was a way of saying how much Seung wanted Otabek to know about him.

The apartment had been clean, the silly idea of Seung cleaning it just for Otabek crossed his mind, he laughed to himself.

“What's so funny?” Seung asked, frowning when Otabek didn't answer his question. They walked into the Seung’s bedroom, it wasn't as clean as the rest. Canvas spread around, beautiful art displayed on them.

“You did this?” Otabek asked in shock, welcoming himself in and observing the art with major detail. Seung hummed a reply and Otabek's eyes widened. “Wow, that's so cool.”

“I thought you knew,” Seung replied, standing next to Otabek.

“You said you sketched but this is something else.”

Seung laughed softly and bumped shoulders with Otabek, “I'm taking that as a compliment so thanks.” He walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. “I do tattoos on the side, it relaxes me.” He casually said, grabbing Otabek's attention instantly.

“What? How didn't I know about this.”

Seung shrugged and got up from the bed, walking over to a drawer in his desk. “Now you do,” he carefully took out a package and once he started taking the content out of it, Otabek could clearly see the tattoo gun. “I personally think your skin would look beautiful with some of my work.” Otabek laughed and stood next to Seung, eyeing him thoroughly.

“You mean you want to practice on me?” Otabek asked, running a hand down Seung's back. “I don't know how I feel about having something permanent on my body.” What if he regretted it? What if when he's older he looked back at it and hates it? He didn't know if he could do that much commitment.

“I'll do it on your chest, or back,” Seung started taking off Otabek's jacket, slow and delicately. He smiled, asking permission with his eyes to remove the thin shirt on Otabek's body. When the younger man nodded, Seung continued. “Or thighs, you have really nice thighs.” Otabek felt an instant blush run to his cheeks but he smiled and took Seung's hands on his own.

“Okay stop that, you already convinced me!” And what the hell, if it wasn't going to be visible that was fine with him, as long as it didn't interfere with his career or future. “Do it on my chest,” Otabek whispered, “I trust you.” Otabek unconsciously grabbed Seung's face and pecked his lips chastely.

They made their way back to Seung’s living room, nervousness ran all over Otabek's body but he couldn't back down, he didn't want to, he trusted Seung-gil undyingly. He waited for Seung to disinfect everything thoroughly, even if he wasn't a professional ,yet, he took it all very seriously. He admired that of Seung. As the thought passed his mind, Seung arrived and instructed him to the couch, getting all his things ready to ink Otabek's body.

“Okay,” Seung started, looking at Otabek attentively. “It might sound like a hard question but don't overthink it,” Otabek nodded allowing him to continue. “What do you want on your body for the rest of your life?”

Otabek didn't need to think of it a lot, he knew it the moment Seung had suggested tattooing him. “A rose,” he replied back and Seung smiled softly, he grabbed his sketchbook and started drawing Otabek's request. Otabek didn't care how cliche and how overrated it was but he wasn't going to straight up ink Yuri’s name on his skin because, yes, this was for him and that was idea was too drastic.

Otabek realized he wasn't ever going to get the closure he truly wanted but this was the closest he could get. Because that way, Yuri gets to live forever, or until Otabek lives and that somehow warmed his heart.

Seung showed the finished drawing of the rose, Otabek looked at it in awe and noticed there was something more to it. The rose had something going through it, “A dagger?” He asked Seung, and he nodded carefully, testing the waters. “What does that mean?” It didn't look bad but Otabek was curious to know why Seung added it.

“Yuri is the rose, right?” Otabek nodded, feeling his body tense up, “well, the dagger means his death.” Otabek felt a rush of sadness run through him, it was beautiful yet so fucking devastating. And he wasn't going to deny the two aspects of who Yuri was to him, love and death. He agreed to it because this was it, this was what Yuri needed and what Otabek needed.

“Okay, let's do this.” He said and Seung beamed, rushing to get everything together.

The tattoo ended up on Otabek's left pec, near to his heart, because Seung had convinced him yet another time. It ached as the needle pierced his skin, but the feeling went away after a few minutes. This was for Yuri even when he deserved so much more.

 

Maybe a simple tattoo wasn't going to fix Otabek’s wrongs, it wasn't going to help him go back in time and do it all differently. It wasn't and that was okay with him.

Sometime soon, he was going to pick up his pen again and start writing, slowly pick up where he left off, and continue the story he doesn't want to end. Otabek believed he was never truly over Yuri, he didn't want to but even when he didn't allow it, his heart had different plans. Maybe it wasn't with Seung-gil.

Maybe it was but he wasn't afraid to love because after all the years of hating himself, he was finally able to love himself. And with all the love he had, maybe his heart allowed him to love someone, just like he wanted to love Yuri Plisetsky.


End file.
